When Cash was finally born and we saw how extensive his cleft really was, I was very surprised. In all our ultrasounds Cash kept his hand up by his face pretty much the whole time. At the genetic specialists in Boise (our 2 hr ultrasound) they were able to see the most, but still couldn't determine exactly what it would look like. They showed us this little drawing and told us to expect something like the bilateral cleft lip, with partial palate involvement (which could be on both sides as well). Of course they told us it realistically could range anywhere on this scale, that's just what they were seeing so far (and ultimately it's hard to tell in an ultrasound with a shy, wiggly baby).
After all the ultrasounds and Dr visits I had an image in my mind of a bilateral cleft lip, with palate involvement on one side... perhaps only going into his gums, maybe one side of the palate... Nothing TOO major. I'm not sure how I came to this conclusion, but it's what I thought. (And Stewart was thinking bilateral cleft lip, with maybe a small palate involvement into his gums. He was always much more optimistic than me).
When Cash was born we were able to see that he had a cleft lip on the left side, and his palate was very involved. His left side of the palate is open all the way up in his nostril and the opening goes to the back of his mouth, and the continues around the right side of his mouth about half way up to the front. (It makes sort of a J shape, with a piece of palate in the middle).
{Isn't this the cutest little yawn?}
As a Mom, I did brace myself for the worst. It was very hard to picture a baby that you've never seen before, with a deformity that you've only seen the worst of, and not have some kind of reaction to it. I have tried to be 100% honest through this whole experience, and to say that I did not have to "prepare" mentally to meet my little guy would be a lie. When I finally saw my little man as they were cleaning him up and weighing him, I was so overcome with emotion. I never could have imagined that this sweet little spirit would be so stinking cute! As the nurse handed him to me I couldn't really say much. I just looked at his sweet little face and cried. Our first moments together were so touching, something I'll never forget. I was simply overcome with love. It's almost funny how quickly you can love someone so unconditionally.
its easy to fall in love with them when they are so dang cute!! I cried the day Ryan had surgery not because I was scared which yes I was but I cried the hardest at the fact that he was perfect to me and I didn't want him to look different he was my handsome little man and I didn't want to change him even tho it was best for him it was hard for me but I do still have all my pictures to look at and he is still perfect :-)
ReplyDelete